I'm Lost And A Bit Afraid Right Now, How Are You Doing?

A Brief, But Honest Personal and Societal Observation, And A Question: How Are You Coping?

Photo by Matt Collamer on Unsplash

Good morning.

I wanted to get away from my typical reflex in adding content to my Substack, which has been to simply mirror outrage, even if justifiable and important, back at the reader, in an attempt to write something honest, and if not entirely positive, at least hopeful.

Of course, it’s important to stay completely aware and alert, as politicians like Donald Trump rise as ugly authoritarians, projecting vile hatred and harmful policy against our fellow humans. mostly those of different races and skin colors.

The truth is, as I see it, if all we do is mirror and amplify outrage, and indulge politicians who sit on the steps of the Capitol like inert flotsam, claiming to “dialogue” their way out of our problems, we go nowhere.

We all need a break, and when your body amplifies stress in a self-feedback loop, as spending five minutes on social media can attest, we are doing more self-harm than good.

This just came pouring out after another sleepless night, and hopefully not too meandering, but at least it’s honest.

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I hope you'll indulge me in a moment of honesty.

I'm lost, and I'm not sure what the point of anything is anymore in this absurd society where everything feels like an uphill battle.

For younger generations, especially.

I woke up this morning after another sleepless night, exhausted. My new sleep cycle seems to be sleep for 2 to 3 hours, waking up after nightmarish, weird dreams, back to sleep for an hour, ad infinitum.

(Speaking of weird dreams, here's one: I was watching football laying in bed, of all things (???!!) on a tiny portable TV similar to one I used to own, one that you would put on your bedside table, with a screen I could barely see, it was a blurred dot of light in solid blackness, when suddenly, inexplicably, I yelled out GOAL! at the top of my lungs and woke up.)

I went to ALDI the other day, and all the people I encountered, save for one woman, were just walking around like zombies, never even turning their heads to acknowledge the presence of other humans standing right beside them. The vibe, like all retail in the self-checkout era, was so viscerally dark and robotic, I had to question both my sanity and observational perspective.

That weirdness was emphasized starkly when I approached an employee with a question about the shrinkwrap on the plastic water bottles, I had noticed it said "Return To Store" for the wrap. I found an ALDI employee and asked her, "Where in the store do we return this?"

Her initial smile turned into her lip curling and a rather annoyed look. She was busy, as all ALDI employees are in the self-checkout era, feverishly breaking down cardboard flats and boxes.

"Hmmm, I dunno, she said, I never heard of this (as I was literally pointing to the label that said "Return to Store"). I just throw it in with the recycled trash at home, then she brusquely turned on her heel, sighing and walking away.

Now, I'm not blaming this woman, I understand that employees at ALDI are under pressure, monitored for productivity and speed and the majority of the time, they are beyond helpful, especially in the era of self checkpout, when one bunch of bananas weigh themselves two times and the checkout system at your terminal freezes up requring the attention of a human employee.

You apologetically and self-consciously look up as the AI robot's voice chirps over and over, Please stop scanning your items, an attendant will be with you shortly, Please stop scanning your items...

This system, designed to "free up" the ALDI employee already overloaded, just puts more stress on them.

I used to greet and talk with the cashiers, but now, if I did that, I'd be talking to myself.

All that to say, it all feels impossible to embrace the way things are, and I'm feeling like a zombie myself.

All that "put one foot in front of the other" and slog through another day, one where influencers are still out there pimping self help and smiles and manifesting material things, feels like someone mocking, especially in this political climate.

Materialism, Capitalism, and Trumpism: Is this the best we can do?

As corny as it sounds, just remember that the smallest gesture of kindness is more valuable than 10,000 subscriptions to self-help, bootstrap philosophy.

If you read this far, thanks for listening.

There are people out there who are lost and scared, they need your kindness and encouragement; never forget that.

Please share, and feel free to tell us how you are in the comments.